First impression: What are a bunch of amateur actors from LA doing trying to impersonate New England prep schoolers?
Second impression: Pretty bad acting. Scratch that… really bad acting.
Third impression: Are these dudes really qualified to work at the Black Dog? Previous work experience must have included Gilly Hicks and A&F.
Fourth impression: I’m regretting watching this already.
Fifth impression: Get the girl with the cowgirl boots some braces.
Sixth impression: The scrawny blonde has wrinkles and the dude with the beard has grey hair. Yikes.
Seventh impression: The first customer is definitely a producer of the show or an owner of the BD.
Eighth impression: Normal girls who summer on the Vineyard don’t have lips like Angelina Jolie.
Ninth impression: Eerily similar to the Jersey Shore.
Tenth impression: Why are they wearing board shorts?
Eleventh impression: This makes Edgartown look like squid city.
Twelfth impression: The first mom on the show is pretty well casted for the role.
Thirteenth impression: Can’t keep doing this. Should have titled the post “13 reasons not to watch The Vineyard.
Fourteenth impression: I actually have met townies who have gotten tossed from different aquatic service schools.
Fifteenth impression: How dare they self-proclaim themselves as preppy?!
Sixteenth impression: Haven’t seen anyone force a denim shirt on the Cape and Islands since our Chief Editor WHolley paired one with Versace denim.
Seventeenth impression: If Zuckerberg and Timberlake had a kid, it would be the squid in the denim shirt.
Eighteenth impression: Second mom needs dentures.
Nineteenth impression: Crashing townie parties is a hobby. Now I can relate.
Twentieth impression: Wholley and I do a much better job convincing strangers we know them.
Twenty First impression: The girls sound too much like the Kardashians… make it stop or bring in Lord Disick.
Twenty Second impression: They aren’t called locals in New England, sweetie. They’re townies.
Twenty Third impression: Girl crushes her drink when townie sits down with her. #TotalPowerMove
Twenty Fourth impression: Weak brawl. Weak. Sizzle down, cheeseburgers.
Twenty Fifth impression: Gonna have to live blog this again next week.