A few years ago, an American spy satire aired. Archer is a deadly concoction of James Bond’s suave style, plenty of action, and cynical humor. One woman’s douche is another’s prep school grad.
He spent up to 15 years at boarding school, despite American schooling taking 13 years. His hobby was lacrosse, and flashbacks have indicated he had few friends. At age 18, he was regarded as the most recruited lacrosse player in America, although an incident with a crazed stalker gut-shooting him cost him both his lacrosse career and a possible scholarship to Johns Hopkins University (although it is implied this would not have happened anyway because of his poor SAT scores). A picture of Archer in Placebo Effect shows him graduating from Georgetown University, implying he is at least smart enough to receive a bachelor’s degree in an unknown major (although according to his mother, he flunked out of college).
Outside of the MIAA in Maryland, the Founders League boasts the most depth in the country. AOF and Deerfield are two perennial contenders for the league title. Take note of the names in the highlights as you will see them again and again in NCAA scoresheets in the seasons to come.
It had been quite some time since I had gone through my T&V email. Sifting through junk mail and spam offers from that oafish brand chubbies, I found a diamond in the rough when I received an email from Zeke, a student at BB&N. Zeke is the representative of a clothing line called “men of the sea.” What Zeke brought to my attention was not only another clever example of prep school students swimming against the current, but also another story of a prep school administration oppressing its students and their freedom of expression.
The story Zeke shared with me begins in the bitter cold month of February on campus. BB&N advertises their dress code as being the 6 B’s (no boobs, back, butt, belly, bra, or boxers). So, surely no students would have been bold enough to have violated these rules. However, shortly after launching his company with his brother, Zeke was called into the Dean’s office. Throughout the school day, the men of the sea had been selling inventory to their classmates. Like a tidal wave, the students of BB&N flooded the campus showcasing their new favorite brand. Coming from the student body, this was a sign of support for their classmates and good taste in an up-and-coming preppy brand. Apparently, some opposed the brand. One could suppose that some students or faculty may have even been looking for an excuse to get Zeke in trouble. But, that is neither here, nor there.
In the office, the Dean explained to Zeke how he thought the brand was inappropriate because some students had complained to him that they were offensive. Countering the Dean, Zeke argued that the logo could not be deemed inappropriate since sperm is a subject of discussion in mandatory biology and sex-ed coursework. Additionally, BB&N had hosted assemblies on sex and healthy relationships. [Side note: assemblies like these are often used by pubescent preps to make witty sexual wisecracks and are hardly productive educational platforms. Unless of course, you decide to ask the sex-ed expert about the theoretical possibility for a couple to execute the Nantucket Sleigh Ride.]
Zeke told me this: “To me, this knee-jerk reaction of labeling something you may not particularly like as ‘offensive’ is a disgusting behavior. I questioned whether I could come to him and say a Nike logo was offensive to me and that I wanted Nike banned from the school. He didn’t have a good answer to this other than that it was his judgement call. Sounds pretty tyrannical.” This logic is socially relevant in the war on political correctness today which is one of the reasons why we champion freedom fighters like the men of the sea.
By March, The Vanguard, a student-run newspaper at BB&N had interviewed Zeke and his brother. An article was composed profiling the boys, their brand, and the administration’s choice to abolish it from campus. According to Zeke, “To further assert the administration’s tyranny and hindering of freedom of expression and speech, the administration did not allow the article to be published.”
Our staff does not agree with many policies made by prep school administrations these days. For example, when The Boss was a senior, he was forced to take down a video of the headmaster breaking up a staged lucha libre fight on halloween or face the threat of expulsion. We want to know your opinion. Should the brand have been banished from campus? Has it been banished from your campus? What do you think?
Hoss dropped the ball. Who’s to blame? It’s not out of character for a freshman to drop the slack at an all boys Catholic school. But, you can’t really blame El Hoss. It’s pretty hard to run the internet’s only prep school website that also doubles as a Deep Web marketplace for gambling away Nantucket estate rights. That’s why I’m back…
With any return, a story is in order.
Some would call this limbo a party and sorority girl induced inception; we like to refer to it as college.
Although your teachers have been preparing you for some mystical extension of our beloved high ceiling halls, it’s best described as a shit show out here. Prep schools charge your parents egregious sums of money, not for academic preparation, but so that you can outwit public-school kids on a day to day basis. While the public schoolers are running late, fumbling with their shitty windsor knots for formal events, us blue bloods are already have executed a perfect dimple, having the luxury of conversing with our dates and theirs about weekends in Kennebunkport and summer trips to the Amalfi Coast. Although most stories are structured with character and plot development, narrative and morals, this one is not. I think we all get the drift.
This is why Twines and Vines is coming out from retirement for the summer. Interning in a cubicle for the summer is JV compared to writing about prep school ongoings from a Harkness table.
We are looking for contributors. If your parents are nagging you to put another internship on your college apps, or you have a true passion for writing about anything pertaining to the prep school lifestyle, shoot me an email at email@example.com.
Here at Twines and Vines, we are loving Slackwater Clothing, one of the newest companies to fly onto our radar. Slackwater just launched and is offering some great looking hats and some of the softest, most comfortable t-shirts we’ve seen in awhile. They promote the laid-back on the water lifestyle, and we agree that “there’s no stress on the water!”
This is their “Original Slackwater Hat,” and we think it’s pretty sweet. Word is that they are coming out with more product and accessories later this summer.
We are running a giveaway to help to introduce Slackwater to our readers, so follow them on Facebook and Twitter using the links below and enter for your chance to win!
The New England Hockey Journal is a must-read for anyone following hockey in the Northeast. They always do a great job breaking down the local prospects moving up to the next level from prep school.
Here are some of the top prep prospects in New England, possibly joining The Show in a few years.
John Hayden–Brunswick School
Ed Ellis–Phillips Andover
Connor Light–Phillips Andover
New England prep school hockey is some of the best HS hockey in the country, but there are not too many good quality videos online. First Scout does a ton of lax videos, but I found this one of PE hockey. Enjoy.
There are no referees. No cheerleaders. And at the end of each game, the teams sing songs to each other.
This is certainly not your typical sport.
But it is Ultimate Frisbee.
Once derided as a game for hippies, Ultimate Frisbee has attracted growing interest from “nerds and geeks” who more than likely end up at elite colleges where they continue playing the sport they love.
– See more at: http://www.andovertownsman.com/local/x1912993373/The-spirit-for-Ultimate-Frisbee-soaring-as-a-team-sport#sthash.W8hX4tVL.dpuf
The article states that lots of good schools have Ultimate Frisbee, including Phillips Andover. Big Deal. No officials means it’s not a sport. Can you think of one sport without some kind of official to enforce the rules? Even golf has officials in tournaments. And if you say Quidditch, just get out.
A seventh-grade boy was allegedly raped by another male student during gym class at Barack Obama Global Preparation Academy in Los Angeles two weeks ago.
The 13-year-old boy, identified only as Julian, is a special-needs student at the middle school, reports KTLA. He has the mental capacity of a six-to-eight year old.
The boy’s parents, who are also only identified by their first names, announced plans to to sue the Los Angeles Unified School District on Monday.
At a press conference, Brian Claypool, an attorney retained by the family, said that Julian’s physical education teacher left Julian unsupervised during class. The alleged assailant, an unidentified eighth-grade boy, then lured Julian behind a set of bleachers and sexually assaulted him.
Julian’s mother said she filed a complaint some two months ago because she feared that other students were bullying Julian during gym class. She says school officials did nothing in response.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is happening at Barack Obama Prep? Bad, bad stuff.
Shouldn’t you wait until someone is dead, or has actually done something before you name a school after them? And how is this school called a “prep school?” How does it compare to say, Deerfield or Choate?
SEX education classes by a PORN QUEEN are being considered at a posh boarding school.
Head Mark Slater said getting a blue movie star to tell her story to £28,000-a-year boys and girls could help put them off internet filth. But he stressed the historic school — whose former pupils include late News At Ten presenter Sir Alastair Burnet — could not invite just any old scrubber. The actress would have to possess proper “values” she could convey to kids. Mr Slater, who is retiring from The Leys at the end of the year, cautioned: “If somebody is spending their life doing that they may not have the sort of perspective on life that we would want.” But he stressed: “I wouldn’t rule it out — simply because of what they have done in their life — if I felt that person was going to put across good values and be a good influence.”
The 550-pupil Cambridge school — motto “In Fide Fiducia”, meaning “In Faith, Trust” — was founded by Methodists in 1875.
It boasts on its website of offering a “blend of traditional values and a forward-looking approach to education”.
Other famous ex-pupils include writers Peter Hitchens and his late brother Christopher. Another who spent schooldays there was film mogul J Arthur Rank.
Just from the look on the Head of School’s face, you know two things: 1) This is a done deal; and 2) He has already been personally interviewing candidates. Total power move by Headmaster Slater.